So here we are watching the latest episode of Weeds (Season 6 Episode 9 “To Moscow, and Quickly”), and something catches our attention. They’re supposed to be in Colorado, and yet it seems the pediatrician they go to is in Boston.
You can literally see Fenway on the left side. This is near my house. What the fuck. Click for full size.
THAT IS A VERY UNNECESSARILY LONG TRIP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, NANCY BOTWIN?
I have an iPhone. The old kind. Not the really old kind, but the one that is now two generations behind current. You know, the one Steve Jobs is trying to make me hate by not allowing any new features and slowing it down with each and every update. The 3G they call it. Add to that the fact that, being the poor/cheap asshole that I am, it’s not even a 16gb one, and I’m walking around with 8gb of pure, once cutting-edge technology in my pants. And with all of these “SEXY SECRET MAGIC TRICK!” and “BIKINI BABES!” apps and the latest episodes of Desperate Housewives and Real Housewives of NYC (really I just do a search for anything with “Housewives” in it), I’m not left with a whole lot of space for my music. Being one of those professional computer nerds, I need my music for work. Programming in silence is like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the bread; yeah it still basically works, but you’re gonna get your hands pretty sticky.
This, and the undying need to piss off my fellow IT professionals, led me to find a way around this problem, and get my iTunes library streaming directly to my work computer.
This might get a bit technical, but if you don’t get what I’m explaining, just blindly follow the instructions and type what I tell you into th boxes and you’ll be fine. This may look like some terminal-induced demonry, but the overall idea is pretty simple, I promise.
Okay, so first I’ll explain the basics. If you already know this, skip ahead.
There’s this magical thing called SSH. It stands for Secure Shell, and comes built in on everything Unix or Linux based like Mac OS X or Ubuntu. It’s kind of like remote desktop, but without all that annoying user interface stuff. It lets you log in and turn your current command line into the command line on the remote machine. So if I’m sitting here at work and I SSH into my laptop at home, I can move my massive porn collection somewhere safer before my mom accidentally stumbles onto it while searching for new curtains even though I told her to stay out of my damn room. It doesn’t take over the screen like VNC or Remote Desktop does, and it’s about a thousand times faster because there’s no screen to transmit back and forth. But that’s not all it does. SSH also has a feature called Tunneling, which lets you use ports in interesting ways. You may or may not be aware of things called ports on your computer. Not like the hole you stick your mouse (or other things) into. These don’t physically exist anywhere except your imagination. And inside the operating system I guess. But mostly imagination. Think of them like individual network plugs, except your computer has thousands of them, and they can only do one specific thing at a time. For example, when you IM your secret boyfriend on AIM, it uses port 5190 (unless you’re a clever bastard and changed it yourself.), and nothing else on your computer can use that port while AIM has itself stuck in that window, eagerly awaiting his reply. Thousands of ports, each for one specific network or internet connection. Okay, now let’s dick around with that. One of the basic functions of firewalls is to block traffic moving through certain ports. So when you’re at work, the company doesn’t want you breaking all their shit or letting anyone else in who possibly could, so they probably block most ports except the really common ones. SSH typically uses port 22, which is generally left open. Tunneling, basically, lets you connect to a remote server via SSH with port 22, then take some connection on that remote host on whatever port you give it and forward it through the SSH connection on port 22, to a certain port on your computer. In the same way that your local terminal becomes the terminal for the remote computer, the local port you specify becomes the remote port. Say you have some private email server that you love and you want to send something through it, but you’re somewhere else and the server only allows you to send if you’re in the same local network. So you SSH into the thing, and tunnel port 21 on the remote host to port 17434 on your computer. Now you tell your email app that your outgoing mail server is 127.0.0.1:17434. 127.0.0.1 is the IP address for this computer that you’re on right now, and then you put a colon and the port number to specify that. Because of the tunnel, 127.0.0.1:17434 is now essentially the same as :21 on the email server, and yuor messages go the way you want. You’ve done your job well. What’s that you ask? Why can’t we also tunnel whatever port iTunes uses for Library sharing, and BAM Library? Well, look at you, laying down internets tubes and tossing around datas. That’s exactly how this works.
Now just picture your little mp3s running down there.
Okay, so now you get the concept (or you got bored and skipped to this part to download some crap and type in some numbers to listen to your goddamned music already). Just two more details.
Alright, you ready? Let’s go. You’ve got your SSH server running, you turned on iTunes sharing (I didn’t mention this, but…come on.), and now is a good time to make sure you have passwords on both of these. Your account will be your SSH login, and since you just opened it to the world, you’ll need to have one, and password protecting the iTunes share is probably a decent idea too, since you don’t want people killing your bandwidth.
First, we need the tunnel. On Mac or Linux, open a Terminal. On Windows, go get Cygwin, a *nix terminal emulator (make sure you check the netutils and OpenSSH packages under the ‘net’ section when it asks what parts to install). And then open it, too. Type this, but replace YOUR_SERVER with your external IP address, and YOUR_USERNAME with your (guess, come on guess) username.
1 | ssh YOUR_USERNAME@YOUR_SERVER -NL 36890:127.0.0.1:3689 |
And press Enter. It should ask for your password, so help it out. The letters don’t show up as little stars, or at all, but I promise it’s getting what you type. Then nothing should happen. If you get an error like “connection refused” you probably didn’t forward the port correctly. And if it says your password was wrong, you should try typing it again, but right this time. If you just have a little blinking cursor, then you also have an open tunnel. Sweet.
OPTIONAL: You can check that this is actually forwarding your iTunes share through the tunnel with something called telnet. Open up another Terminal or Cygwin window, and type in:
1 | telnet 127.0.0.1 36890 |
Wait til you see a bunch of crap and the last line “Escape character is ‘^]’”, and press Enter twice. This should close the connection with a Bad Request error from a DAAP-Server. Don’t worry about what that means at all, as long as it spits out something that says DAAP-Server: iTunes, it means it’s working. Anything else means the tunnel isn’t forwarding your port at all, and you need to go try that again.
Now look at you. SSH tunneling your DAAP server to localhost port 36890. You’re practically a computer science major.
Now you just have one last thing to fix. The DAAP is on your computer but iTunes won’t play with it because it’s not in Bonjour. This we can fix with something called dns-sd, but in different ways on different OSes.
That bottom part about the proxy is easy, just click Look up host, and it should fill in the appropriate information. Or you can plug in 127.0.0.1 for the address and that works too.Next step, open iTunes on your computer, look for a new shared library (it’ll probably be some weird name at first), open that fucker up, and ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT.
You’re welcome.
Since our big update, some of our favorite app users may have noticed a slight problem. They’re not getting any of the new Poor Decisions and your votes are completely irrelevant to those on the site. This isn’t because we don’t love you, because really we do, promise. It’s actually because of a magical thing called an API. It’s what provides all the data to the apps and connects them to the site. Apps connect to the API, and it does some science and a little math, and either gets the information to display on your app, or makes some changes to the information already on the site based on what you asked it to do, like voting or submitting. Basically it’s what makes the apps work at all.
Artist's Interpretation of the PoorDecisions API
The problem is that we just changed the entire site from WordPress to JACKED. That means that all the insides are completely different, and all the information is stored in a completely different way, which is alongside the old site’s storage. So technically, everything is working fine, it’s just that your apps are using the old WordPress part of things while the site is using the shiny new JACKED stuff that we’ve got going on.
But don’t be scared. We’ve got you covered. With the new site comes the even newer API2, better, faster, and now featuring 20% more computer-science-y abbreviations. While it would be fantastic to just point all the apps out there to this wonderful new API, they’re hard-coded to talk to the old one, and we can’t change that. But that doesn’t mean we can’t shove a whole bunch of updates in your faces. And trust me, we will. I’ve heard that the Palm webOS app is already updated and released to the wild, and work is already started on the Android and iOS apps, so it won’t be long til you can get new Poor Decisions again and actually have a voice in the votes. Just make sure you update, because the old API isn’t going to be around forever, and old versions of the apps will stop working when it does.
Just ask this guy. Look at all those datas swirling around behind him. He knows. This guy knows what I'm talkin about.
I don’t know if you noticed but we’ve made a few small changes around here. Most notably, I think, we’ve removed the NEW! sticker from the forums button.
Oh that, and we remade the entire site from the ground up.
Welcome to PoorDecisions.net 2.0! Better, stronger, faster, smarter, and shinier. While the site itself may have changed completely, each and every Poor Decision along with its useful, accurate, and, sometimes, maybe slightly mean tags is right where you left it, but now easier to find and share than ever before.
Not only is this place looking a lot better, the insides have all been recoded to make the whole thing work better too. We left WordPress behind to handle what it does best, the blag, and moved on to the sexy JACKED Manager. Everything from the tagging system to the API that our apps use to get their data is built with a specific focus on making PoorDecisions run faster than we ever thought it could.
And the best part? This is only the beginning. We’ve got a lot planned to bring out in the next few months, so make sure you check back often. And also buy a shot glass because then we’ll know you’re really cool.
So we only updated once this week. So what? You gonna fight us over it? Yes? Oh…uh…I’m sorry I didn’t mean it. Here, have 7 new posts. Please, just don’t hurt me. Are we cool now? Please?
Cut us some slack; we’ve been busy over here. Busy with things involving whiteboards. That’s right, PoorDecisions version 2.shiny is some serious goddamned business. Serious enough to warrant the use of a whiteboard on several occasions. I’d tell you about our progress, but you probably wouldn’t understand it without the use of a whiteboard-based diagram. So let’s just say the guts are already done and running silently on our secret testing server. And also a metric fuckton faster/more awesome.
PoorDecisions 2: it’ll kick your ass… in the best way possible
Okay, I’m gonna start this off with a little audience participation. First, all of you who own an iPhone or an iPod raise both your hands. Okay, now put your right hand down if you don’t have 99 cents in disposable income. Okay, now everyone who has their right hand still raised, HOLY SHIT IS IT YOUR LUCKY DAY. Because you can take those 99 cents and turn them into
That’s right, the dumbest, poorest, stupidest, retarded-est actions taken by all of mankind along with the stupid shit that happened as a result are now 100% available in the palm of your hand, from anywhere in the world (if you believe AT&T, anyway)! We’ve got voting, recent posts, most LOLed, posts by tags, and even submitting your own, easy as making a few smudge marks on your pretty screen. And, being the fucking nerds that we are, you can rest easy knowing that we’re going to keep on jamming more features and crap into this thing by the shovelful (so long as Apple doesn’t reject us even more).
Just 99 cents and this app is yours forever (or at least until I get drunk and delete it by accident). And for those of you with only your left hand still up, don’t think I forgot about you poor bastards. You see, Apple gives me these cute things called PROMO CODES, which I can give to anyone who can then use it to get a completely free copy of the app for life. Comment on this post if you’re too cheap to pay 99 cents for THE BEST APP EVER, and we’ll see about getting it to you for free, because that’s just the kind of giving guy I am.
And to everyone who has both hands down: who the hell doesn’t own an iPod? Stop lying to me, it makes me sad.
http://poordecisions.net/ios – Get it now
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
| poor decisions | 64 | 44.4 % |
| poordecisions.net | 32 | 22.2 % |
| poordecisions | 9 | 6.2 % |
| poor decision | 7 | 4.8 % |
| 2 | 1.3 % | |
| sadlols | 2 | 1.3 % |
| nipple pinch | 2 | 1.3 % |
| poor desicions | 2 | 1.3 % |
| poor decisions.net | 2 | 1.3 % |
| lots of vodka pee | 1 | 0.6 % |
| http //poordecisions.net/ | 1 | 0.6 % |
| i beat up my old dad | 1 | 0.6 % |
| women who puke alot | 1 | 0.6 % |
| frosty fuckin stole my wallet | 1 | 0.6 % |
| peed mypanties while nightclubing | 1 | 0.6 % |
| mom is naked | 1 | 0.6 % |
| drunk girlfriend blackout sex | 1 | 0.6 % |
| poordecistions.net | 1 | 0.6 % |
| how can you fuck your grandmother | 1 | 0.6 % |
| inanimate objects girls | 1 | 0.6 % |
| peed my pants at the bar | 1 | 0.6 % |
| poor decsions | 1 | 0.6 % |
| chromebar | 1 | 0.6 % |
| all listening to hippity hop | 1 | 0.6 % |
| peed in my pants drunk | 1 | 0.6 % |
| benadryl fap | 1 | 0.6 % |
| ugliest snatch | 1 | 0.6 % |
| mihf | 1 | 0.6 % |
| ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu | 1 | 0.6 % |
| theres a party in my pants and urine | 1 | 0.6 % |
| mommy i had an accident | 1 | 0.6 % |
First things first. I love my niece, but I hate Twilight. And to be fair, a girl turning nine is pretty much as target demographic of the whole thing as possible. So it only makes sense that she’s read all the books, seen all the movies, and wanted a Twilight themed birthday party for herself and her similarly target market friends. But this is not a post about her or about Twilight. Well, a little about Twilight, because I discovered the greatest thing ever. For the most part, though, this is a post about my first experience as an adult at a kids’ party. And let me tell you, it’s more fun than you remember.
Boys and Girls: DIFFERENT
We all know girls mature faster than boys and blah blah blah, but until you’re at a nine year old’s birthday party with both boys and girls invited, you can never really know the truth. Example one: my niece and her girl friends are sitting at the table eating, and discussing their favorite parts of the books they had all read and certain aspects of the movie adaptations that had failed to live up to their high expectations. Meanwhile one of the two invited boys is standing by the swing set, plotting. Thinking deeply. Planning something. Then, he acts on his nefarious plan. He grabs a handful of sand from under the swings, throws it up into the air, shouting, “BOOM SMOKESCREEN!” followed shortly by “AGH OH GOD MY EYES OW!” and a lot of scratching of his eyes while blindly running in circles. Example two: my niece is opening her presents while her and her friends make excited comments about each one, and she politely thanks each giver. “Oh, those are so pretty! I love them! Thank you so much! These are wonderful!” The two invited boys sit at the table not seeing any of the gifts opened because they’re too busy trying to suffocate a bug by trapping it under a cup and dripping ice cream onto it. When one of its legs falls off during the torture session, they excitedly yell out, “It had a baby! THAT’S SO COOL!”
Little Kids: Sticky
Well, not all are, but the younger a kid is, the more likely they are to be sticky. The only exception to this rule being college, because sometimes when ruit games go bad, you just end up covered in beer. But that’s not my point. The reason some little kids are sticky is because they’ve learned neither how to avoid being sticky nor why they should give a fuck about not being sticky. In fact, this one little girl who was about four years old showed me all of the above. She was happily sipping her red drink (Twilight themed “blood”) and showing off whatever toys she could get her hands on, when all of a sudden, it wasn’t in her mouth anymore. Allow Jon Lajoie to explain:
Immediately following The Incident, when asked if she was okay, the little girl simply replied, “yeah, I just had to cough.” I think we can learn a lot from this little girl about not being too dependent on what others think of us. Or actually maybe not, cause that was kinda gross.
Twilight: Not Okay
I’m not going to get into all my reasons for despising Twilight and all that it stands for right now. That can be saved for a later …”discussion.” But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t bring this to the attention of the Internet. Being a full-on Twilight-themed party, they had everything. From a cake that looked exactly like one of the books, to vampire teeth and stage blood, and even down to Twilight paper plates for cake and ice cream. How do you brand a paper plate? Why, by sticking a main character’s face on it, of course. What better way to honor your favorite character by slopping food all over their portrait and using your forks and knives to cut them again and again? But I was surprised by what I found when I was finished (with my cake and ice cream). Either someone at Dixie really hadn’t thought this through, or I had discovered one of the greatest real life easter eggs ever. My plate when I was finished (with my cake and ice cream):
Just helping out the fanfiction community.
Jacob and Edward’s pretty, pretty faces were covered with the thin, white, liquid residue of cookie dough ice cream. And my nightmares had just gotten even worse. But at least we now had something useful in the ongoing war against Twilight.
So I guess you could say this party was a learning experience all around. Now I know that all along, when I was at my own nine year old birthday parties and the adults were all standing around being BORING, they were having their own fun, making fun of small children. Because holy crap it’s fun to make fun of small children.
My friends, we have reached a crossroads. These are confusing and rapidly changing times we live in. The site is more popular than ever, I’m writing blog posts, we have regular updates, and, my god, the top Most LOLed post ever is quickly approaching a second place status. That’s right, the infamous “I’m an iguana!” post, which was given a massively unfair advantage by a Wisconsin-based computer fetishist, is about to be toppled as king of the meaningless votes by the equally renowned “ditched stalker girl for creepier gay stalker guy” post. Black is white. Up is down. LOL is MEH. The entire world seems a disorienting place. Lesser sites would give you up. But have hope, friends. We here at PoorDecisions.net are not about to let you down. While I know it seems that sometimes we give you the run around about new features and new content, know that we are here working hard for you, as we know that you would never desert us. We are officially starting work on a new version of the site. One so beautiful and fast that it will make you cry. And though it may be painful to say goodbye to this site, the future is inevitable. And the PoorDecisions.net staff will never tell you a lie, we would never do anything to hurt you. PoorDecisions.net version 2 is coming, and it will be everything you’ve ever wanted, and more.
